They said if I studied hard then I’ll be successful.

They said if I got a good job then I’ll be successful.

They said if I got an award then I’ll be successful.

They said if I made more money then I’ll be successful.

Perfectionism served me well for years so I didn’t see a reason to stop. It was unhealthy at times, but I believed that it will always produce results.

Won’t it?

The spiral

I was a self-proclaimed strong, independent woman. I didn’t need anybody and I enjoyed the freedom that I built for myself because the freedom allowed me…

Remember the Nigerian Prince email scam? It’s funny now because people know not to fall for it.

It’s taken me a long time to admit this, but I’ve fallen for scams. It’s embarrassing to admit because I felt stupid and gullible. Shouldn’t I know better after being raised by paranoid Asian parents? But my parents taught me how to be wary of slick salespeople and to always read the fine print. They didn’t know how to prepare me for internet scams.

The first time I fell for a scam was in college. Money was tight and after searching through the…

Why is it so hard to say “no” to someone?

We like being helpful so declining something can feel harsh. But saying “no” is not about being mean or not being a team player, it’s about setting boundaries.

I’m going to share one of the most valuable lessons you’ll ever learn: you can’t control how others feel. If someone is upset because you can’t do something that they want, then that is their problem, not yours. This doesn’t give you a license to be a jerk. There is a middle ground between being selfish and draining yourself for others.

Here…

One of the side effects of being a perfectionist is the craving for control. After all, your perfectionist tendencies are what helped you achieve what society views as “success.”

There are multiple reasons for wanting to be in control, but for a perfectionist, there are two primary reasons:

1. You feel like parts of your life are out of control.
2. You don’t feel safe.

Control winds you up so tightly that it won’t be long until you snap. The reality is that we don’t have control over anything, except our thoughts and our actions. …

In a recent episode of “The Michelle Obama Podcast,” the First Lady talked about how we’re spending a lot more time alone than what we are used to. Not only are we stuck indoors, but we’re also stuck in our own heads which can be maddening after an extended period of time.

“I know that I am dealing with some form of low-grade depression.” -Michelle Obama

Feeling this way is normal, but during the year of COVID-19, these are not normal times. The usual coping mechanisms are unhealthy distractions or temporary reprieves, but after months of quarantine and one crisis…

Go-getters, grinders, hustlers.

Our society celebrates them. We applaud them and aspire to be like them. The ones who work more than 40 hours a week, rarely take a vacation, and neglect their own health and even relationships.

But why?

How often do we stop and ask ourselves why we’re in the hustle?

What’s the end game? To make more money? To be ‘Employee of the Month’? To gain thousands of followers?

The real question is: when is it enough?

The problem with hustle culture is getting lost in the hustle. The well-intentioned motivation turns into an addiction to the…

I stood in front of my boss’s office, trying to sum up the courage to knock on her door. I was going to inform her that I was quitting a job that I loved. Once I stepped through that door, I would change the trajectory of my life.

I don’t remember how I started the conversation, but I remember her reaction: “What happened? Are you sick??”

Surprised by her answer, I laughed. The only rational explanations for my decision to quit must be a health problem or pure insanity because I was at the peak of my teaching career.

But…

“Where are you from?”

This seemingly innocent question is dreaded by Asian-Americans because the real question is actually asking “Which Asian country are you from?”

A micro-aggression is defined as an “indirect, subtle, or unintentional discrimination against members of a marginalized group.”

Any Asian-American can tell you that they’ve experienced this micro-aggression at least once, or if they’re like me, too many times. When I’m traveling, the “Where are you from?” question is practically expected, but I also know they expect me to respond with the name of an Asian country because I “don’t look American.” …